I'm not sick but I'm not well

ABOUT GIRLS:

Whatever you do, don’t just show up at their house…they run around in their underwear just like we do.

DON’T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be dirt.

Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the damn hat.

Never miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.

Don’t refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.

If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

Don’t be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.

If you don’t sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

If you DO sleep with them, don’t tell your friends that you did.

You can be dirty minded in private, really…most of them are not offended by it…

Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

Most of them don’t mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you’re a pussy..

Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it’s not a serious relationship.

Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.

If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the **** out of him.

. If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

Never ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.

Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

You’re dead meat if you can not get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

Don’t flirt with their moms…that’s just freaky.

. Don’t be freaked out by PMS. It’s not gross, and it really does make them feel like ****, so be understanding.

If you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.

If you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

Don’t stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life.

Don’t marinade the cologne, but smell good.

Don’t give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s day. It doesn’t have to be expensive,or cost anything but it has to be meaningful.

If you think the relationship isn’t going to last very long, don’t wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

After you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond

. Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out. (CARDINAL RULE)

Don’t say you understand when you don’t.

Girls are petty; get over it. We like to start fights.

You don’t have PMS, so don’t act like you know what it’s like. Don’t try to understand…believe me you never will.

Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

We don’t like it when you act like Mr. Big.

A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

It’s good to be sensitive sometimes.

If you did something wrong or even if you didn’t, apologize.

Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won’t always cut it, but it is extremely sweet.

We are self-conscious by nature; we can’t help it.

We are Drama queens; never forget that.

Fashion police do exist.

We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about. (i honestly like monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or other things haha but that could be me.. haha i’m taylor i’m abmormal sometimes lol)

Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

We don’t shave our legs everyday: get over it.

Don’t make bets about us; we always find out; you may think we don’t know, but WE DO!

Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men. [edit: actually this is not completely true. I, for example, like a little bit of scruff. its just me maybe]

Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it is not.

Don’t compare us to Pamela Anderson; parts of her are fake, just remember that. (Remember: you have a better shot at us than you ever will have with her.)

It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

We are beautiful at all times.

We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren’t.

You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why can’t you aim in the toilet and not on it.

Most importantly: we are always right in one way or another so don’t forget that!

Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

We like you to be a little jealous but overly possessive is not necessary.

We’re allowed to be late you are not.

Eye contact is key.

Don’t take longer to get ready than we do.

Laugh at our jokes.

Three words honesty, honesty, honesty.

If You don’t like us, don’t say you do.

We will never have enough clothes or shoes!

Open the door for us no matter where we are even at our house and getting into the car.

We love surprises!

Clean your room before we come over.

Always brush your teeth before you see us a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.

Sensitive guys are great, but crying more than we do in a movie just isn’t right.

DON’T LET EX-GIRLFRIENDS CAUSE DRAMA, RELATIONSHIPS ARE STRESSFUL ENOUGH

It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.

Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.

Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!

Don’t say you love me if you don’t mean it.

it’s always right there, were i can touch it and just reach out and grab it and then gone. gone.

erichalvorsen:

Head here http://www.op.com/ to see tour dates for our fall tour with Boys Like Girls, Cobra Starship, The Maine, and Versa Emerge

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